An INFJs insight into ENTJs struggles!

ENTJ and INFJ are naturally conflicting because the ENTJs thinking is the INFJs inferior function. And the INFJs feeling is the ENTJs inferior function. 

What does this mean? 

For an INFJ understanding feelings is KEY to connectedness and knowing how to interact. If I don't know how you are feelings, how do I know what you need? An INFJ who doesn't know what someone needs will often feel disconnected, misunderstood and useless, and they will want to hide in their introvert tent with a “do not disturb” sign outside. 

Where as ENTJs need to know what's wrong so that they can fix it. Not being able to solve a problem leaves an ENTJ feeling like they have failed, which in itself brings up all kinds of confusing feelings inside the ENTJ. Especially when someone they care about is upset. ENTJs do have very powerful emotions, however they find it difficult to understand and access them because they cannot be defined in logical terms. 

INFJs will often find themselves feeling like they need to defend their beliefs in order for them to be valid, something that is particularly difficult for an INFJ since most of their beliefs are based on feelings and intuition. Asking an INFJ to verbally back up their beliefs with logic feels like being pushed into a corner and asking them to jump off a cliff. Likewise feelings are difficult to measure and manipulate, they are unpredictable and messy, which to an ENTJ is a recipe for chaos. Forcing your ENTJ to feel is equally comparable to cliff jumping. 

Put simply, your ENTJ will struggle to learn that you don't need fixing, and that their role is to accept your feelings and support you as you embrace them, because they need to reorganise their belief system to allow room for grey areas. 

How to love your ENTJ

BE KIND to your ENTJ while they develop their inferior feeling function. This process is chaotic for your ENTJ, and being supportive will give them security and encouragement, but don't be pushy, and never punish them. 

Contrary to their exterior confidence your ENTJ experiences loneliness, a need to be accepted and to feel valued just like everyone else. In fact your ENTJ is a super performer because they love to be praised and recognised for their achievements. 

Let your ENTJ know how you feel when they stop to THINK about how you FEEL. 

Equally stop to THINK about your ENTJs LOGIC, because it is equally important to them. 

Remember your ENTJ is drilling you so much because they respect your opinion and want to know if it is coherent enough to adopt. After all when they argue it for you in the future they need to have all the information to be persuasive. 

Yes that's right, if your ENTJ comes to accept your view point, they will give it a voice, loudly and clearly. INFJs like to protect our loved ones, and ENTJs will return this favour. 

For any relationship to function it cannot be all one sided. There is nothing wrong with your ENTJ. Don't make them feel like there is! They just experience the world differently to you. You can help your ENTJ to understand their inferior emotions, and they can help you to understand your inferior thinking. 

Key things to remember!
1) Always assume your partner has the best intentions 
2) Be kind to each other 
3) You BOTH need to learn to communicate in an alien language to overcome your differences so that you can celebrate them together

4) It's okay to make mistakes and still love yourselves and each other

5) Stick to NO BLAME conversations

6) Have fun!

Some insight into your ENTJs struggles! 

“I love to have conversations about concepts and knowledge. I feel excited to learn new things and I'm naturally inquisitive. I find it difficult to pick up on feelings, and they often confuse me. Please don't be angry at me when I say something insensitive or clumsy. I don't mean to offend. It takes a conscious effort for me to stop and THINK about how you FEEL. Just calmly remind me. Equally I feel close to people when they stop and think about my logic, because in my head there are clear patterns and I just want for you to see them too."

"Emotions are tricky for me, especially the sad ones. It feels like a frustrating waste of time and my intellect wants to crack on and do something useful. Sometimes when I'm sad it feels like chaos because I don't understand the logic to my emotions. I feel cherished when someone takes time to mirror my feelings back to me and explain to me what I feel so that I can understand it. When I understand I might require some space and time to contemplate. If you can help me with this, while respecting my boundaries and without pushing me to feel, I will respect you beyond measure".

"When I see you expressing your emotional side, especially sad displays, I just want to fix the problem so it goes away. I care and I don't want you to hurt. I don't understand why you are sharing an emotion if you are not asking for advice or problem solving. I don't understand how you are so comfortably in your sadness. I'm likely to ask "whats wrong?" Not because I think your emotions are wrong, but because it's very difficult for me to just feel with you. Asking "what's wrong" is how I communicate my care because to fix the issue I need to find the cause. Remember I'm constantly striving to understand logically. As I grow, I understand that my role is not to fix but to accept your feelings and support you as you embrace them. This is a difficult process for me so please be patient".